Damn Yankees

We have a problem.

Bubba has started Little League.

That isn't the problem.

Upon arriving at our first practice Bubba was informed that he would be playing for the Yankees. He immediately says, "that is stupid, I hate the Yankees." Ok, two words we don't say in our house, but that is for another day. He immediately turns to his dad with a troubled look on his face. Gee, I wonder where he learned to hate the Yankees? Yes, folks Cool Dad is a die hard Dodgers fan. Always has been, always will be. So, while twisting a knife in his heart he gave Bubba a half arm pump and said, "Go Yankees".




Bubba seems to be converted. He was very happy to put on his uniform for the opening ceremonies this morning, and his first game this afternoon.

Since Cool Dad is helping out with the kids I am going to get him a Yankees hat to wear. He is going to LOVE it (pictures to come)!!

Going to Hades

Today, I stooped to a new low in my parenting.

Let me recap some of my previous lows for comparative purposes.

1. I have kicked my kid out of the van and made him/her stand on the side of the road until he/she started to behave.

2. I have personally called Santa Claus to tell him not to come to our house.

3. I have maintained that there are "little people" who live in the front yard of my parents' house in a ceramic castle.

4. If one of my children is lying, but won't confess the lie, I put both of the children in the dry bathtub fully clothed until they get their story straight or the liar confesses(they have stayed in the tub for many minutes).

5. I have begun counting to three, but spanked at about 2 1/2.

6. I have employed the no-fun bear hug at church.

7. After my eldest child broke up with a boy, I encouraged the boy to go get another date as quickly as possible.

8. I watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade with a petrified 5 year-old.

9. I told the kids cucumbers were yucky so I could eat them all myself.

10. My daughter told me that taking her doll was akin to kidnapping. I still took the doll.

Well, today, I may have hit a new low.

The rule is that there is no digging holes in the back yard. Yet, there is a big hole in the back yard and said big hole keeps getting bigger. Well, Hot Mom had a comeapart this evening as the big hole got bigger and an irrigation pipe may have become exposed. When questioned about the big hole in the back yard, the littlest children all claimed ignorance.

"It must have been a ghost," they implored.

"A ghost?"

"Well, we didn't do it."

It was at this point that I employed #4.

"Bathtub! Now!"

"But we didn't do it."

"Now!"

The two children then trudged to the bathroom. The recent showers and baths had rendered that bathtub too wet, so we all went back to Mom and Dad's bathtub.

"In!"

"But Dad..."

In they went. Frowns all around. Following several minutes of discussing and arguing, a brief game of eenie-meenie-miney-mo broke out and I could feel a confession coming on.

Both children then trudged in and I could tell that Bud was not happy.

"Pie eenie-meenie-miney-moed it," he began, almost to cry, "and it ended up on me so I'm supposed to say I did it, but I didn't."

"Pie?"

"Well, I didn't do it so we just eenie-meenie-miney-moed it and Bud lost."

"She cheated!" Bud folded his arms defiantly.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Back in the tub! Both of you!"

More trudging. More sitting in the bathtub. More debating and discussing. And then a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors broke out. Well, when Scissors unbelievably cuts Rock, I decided to step in once again.

I called the combatants to the bed and sat them at opposite ends.

"Okay, guys...who did it? Who dug that hole and I want an answer right now?"

"Dad, we told you. It must have been a ghost."

"It was no ghost."

It was at this point that Cool Dad got his very serious angry face on and the wheels started to come off the wagon.

"Okay, guys...I know I'm not gonna get any answers tonight, but I'm gonna tell you right now that if it happens again, I will find out who did it and they will be in big trouble."

"How are you gonna find out, Dad?"

"Well...I will take that shovel and I will take it to one of my friends who is a Ranger and knows how to get fingerprints and he'll get the fingerprints off of it and then we'll know which one of you did it. In fact, I might go out there right now."

That's right, folks. I threatened to turn my children over to the authorities by having a shovel dusted for fingerprints. It was not my best moment. I am not proud of it. BUT...

It was at this point that Daddy's bluff began to pay off. Yes, the guilty party might have begun to show some remorse. A crack in the armor.

"I will let the policeman do his job and if it really is a ghost, then the policeman will know, but if its one of you, then there's gonna be big trouble. Does everyone understand?"

They did.

I received a crying confession moments later.

Superdad? No. Crimesolver? Yes!

I Need Sleep

The kid is killing me, and by kid, I obviously mean Bubba. Why oh why can’t he give me a Saturday morning to sleep in? Just one? Please?

Our weekly routine works like this. Cool Dad is usually up and moving by 6:30ish. He has to get showered and ready for work so he can wake the kids up at 7, get them breakfast and start getting them ready for school. Me, at 6:55 I roll onto the floor and crawl down the hall to the office where I prop myself up in my chair, and boot up my computer for work. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to be willing to make the long commute.

Cool Dad heads to work and the kids head to school. It works for us.
So, on Saturday mornings I let Cool Dad sleep in. See the above paragraph where Cool Dad WAKES up the children at 7am. So why is Bubba coming in to my room at 6am on a SATURDAY? This is not fair; this is not equal division of kid responsibility. Didn’t Bubba get the memo? We sleep in on Saturdays.

Last night I even announced, “Tomorrow is Saturday. Let’s all sleep in. Doesn’t extra sleep sound nice? Dad won’t have to get you up for school tomorrow.”
Don’t think I don’t know what is driving this, but I don’t think it would be fair to take away the Wii on Saturday mornings; it is the only time they really get to play it.

Why oh why can’t I be the type of person that can fall back to sleep after the kiddies wake me up? Luckily I have something productive to do with my early morning…blog!

Waffles...It's Whats for Dinner

We had waffles for dinner tonight, not very original, but really quite tasty. We are the type of family who thinks it is ok to eat breakfast for dinner.

We are not a Bisquick/Krustees waffle family. I like to use my mother-in laws recipe. It is hands down the best one I have tasted. The waffles in this house are made from scratch. One of the few things that are.

Anywho, as I mixed up the batter I started thinking about College Daughter (sometimes I think my mind is like that commercial for the search engine, Bing. I think of one thing and immediately spin off to something totally different, completely losing my train of thought) where was I?? Oh yes, College Daughter. While pouring batter into my waffle iron I remembered why I have a fairly new waffle iron.

It goes a little something like this.

One night Cool Dad and I left College Daughter and her friend Liesl to babysit the little ones. They were approximately sixteen at the time. On date night they are pretty much on their own for dinner, frozen pizza, mac 'n cheese, whatever. Apparently this particular night none of this appealed to them and they decided to make waffles, Grandma's waffles from scratch.

At this point the story gets a little foggy on who did what. The one fact I do know, is that when I came home from my date my waffle iron was GLUED SHUT. Yes, you read that correctly. GLUED SHUT.

I am positive you are all wondering, "What in the world could have caused this?"
Well, let’s just check with our readers. Have any of you ever used POWDERED SUGAR instead of flour in a recipe? Let me tell you what it makes…GLUE.

Hello new waffle maker.

Luckily I still love them both.

Getting Too Old

"Hey, Hot Mom, my work has decided to host a softball team."

"That's great, Dear. Are you gonna join in?"

"I think so."

"Do they have enough players?"

"Yeah, the team is...um...what is it...ambidextrous?"

"Huh? And they will have left-handed AND right-handed batters???"

"No, you know what I'm saying...bisexual."

"WHAT?"

Hot Mom then may have peed just a little in her pants as she squealed in delight/horror at her husbands total delinquency. She then recovered.

"Umm...honey. I think the word you're looking for is...'CO-ED'."

"You know what I meant."

Warm Fuzzy

I am rarely (read never) accused of being a warm and fuzzy person. When it was suggested once that I was a nurturing person my sister spit her drink out of her nose, and said, "In a Nurse Rached sort of way." I am not much of a hugger or a gusher, and especially not in public. I LOATHE group hugs (just ask my nephews).

Sooo, I was a little surprised when Cool Dad told me he was disappointed with my Valentine post. When he read the title I guess he was expecting oohs and aahs over his Valentine awesomeness, and a little more praise about his greatness. I don't want to seem like Cool Dad is not great, but it is like he doesn't even know me. That was about as mushy and gushy as it gets.

So in an effort to be more open,

This is for you Cool Dad, "I Love You!" There it is out there on the WWW for everyone to see.

P.S. Before everyone starts feel bad for Cool Dad. Here is the Valentine's Day card he gave me.

To My Wife on Valentine's Day
Honey, I hope you know that all
of your hard work has not gone
unnoticed.


I've been watching you from the couch
during commercials.

Is that true love or what?

Cool Dad is my Valentine

We Heat Wavers had a pretty great Valentine weekend. With Valentine’s Day on a Monday we were able to start our celebration on Friday night.

About four years ago, out of necessity (I forgot it was Valentine’s Day), I implemented the family Valentine party. It works a little like this. All family members’ names are placed into a jar. Each person draws out a name, and presto you have a Valentine. The family then heads to the store, everyone with their allotted money and off we go. After the shopping we pass out the Valentines and this year we were lucky enough to get to go out to dinner too.

Pie bought Hot Mom a necklace.
Hot Mom bought Pie two Barbies.
Bubba bought Cool Dad a Wii game (yes, we are a Wii family now, but that is a post for another day).
Cool Dad bought Bubba a skateboard-don’t even get me started. I am still not convinced he actually stuck to the limit.

Good times!

On Saturday the Achievement Day girls in our ward volunteered to babysit so parents could go out for Valentine’s Day. Talk about awesome. Cool Dad and I enjoyed an evening out eating Japanese food, looking at a 2011 Chevy Camaro (WOW), and looking at books at Barnes and Noble. Love Date Night!

I thought that would wrap up our Valentine’s Day weekend, but Cool Dad surprised me. On Monday night when I came home from school he had chocolates and a book for me.

Thanks Cool Dad.