Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Bubba Goes to College

I have been meaning to post this blog all week. Last Monday night Bubba went to school with me. Some of you parents out there may be familiar with the divide and conquer method of parenting. When both parents have someplace they need to be and there is not a babysitter available you assign the children to the activities where they will do the least amount of damage.

Cool Dad had to attend a public meeting for work, and I had to go to school. Normally I would not have taken Bubba with me, but the instructor in my archaeology class is making sure we have some "hands on" experiences, and that night night we were scheduled to perform a survey that she had set up in an empty field on campus. I knew we would also have some in class time too, so I packed a little chair for him, and some reading and math books to work on, and off we went to school.

First things first. Apparently at some point I told him my school was orange. He was quick to point out that I lied. Next, we arrived in the classroom where he promtly made himself at home and read Green Eggs and Ham out loud to everyone as they filed into the classroom.

At last, it was time to go outside. He was so excited, he could hardly wait for "recess" to start. We all lined up to start our survey, and the teacher even gave him some flags so he could mark any artifacts he found. He was actually quite good at it and was so proud he found some things that other students just walked by. Luckily he was there to point out to all of them that he was a better surveyor than them. Once "recess" ended we had a small break and I splurged and bought him a drink and candy at the vending machine. He LOVED that.

Finally we headed back to class where the instructor lectured on survey techniques. He sat there so quietly and listened to her entire lecture. At the end everyone asked him if he planned on being an archaeologist? "Yes, no, yes," he said. "Well, actually I am going to be a jockey, but then when I am too old, like eighteen, then I will be an archaeologist." Well, at least he has a fall back plan.

One the way home from class he talked non-stop about how great college is, and how he can't wait to go to college, and how easy it is. He just hopes he gets more than one recess at his collge.

Last night at class we recorded at site. Everyone asked why I didn't bring Bubba with me. They thought he would have loved recording a site.

Maybe Cool Dad will have one child follow him in his career path.

Monday, April 25, 2011

He** in a Handbasket

I think my husband wants me to quit college. You might be asking yourself why I think that. Let's just say that if you read back through some of the posts you can find an interesting trend of things falling to pieces on Monday nights. I remind you of the showing of Indiana Jones to a very small child who didn't sleep for a week incident, etc.

Tonight's fiasco has to do more with the house (although as I am in here blogging/hiding the children are STILL not in bed).

Are there any Everybody Loves Raymond fans out there? I think I have watched every episode. Many of them have made me laugh, some of them have hit a little too close to home. Ray seemed to try quite hard to screw things up just so Debra would quit asking him to do things around the house. Now, I don't want to say that is what is going on at my house, HOWEVER, what kind of nitwit (and I say that with all of the love I have in me right now) puts Palmolive Dish Soap in the DISHWASHER???

I can't attest to the full scale of the calamity. I came home to a bunch of wet towels, and a denial that anything was wrong. Although, I did hear that Pie might have run screaming through the house, "Daddy, the dishwasher is EXPLODING."

Oh good grief.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Truth Be Told

"Dad, are we gross?"

"Of course, Bud, we're boys."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Joking Around

During a weekend with a favorite cousin (Lou), Pie and Bubba were introduced to the world of formal joke telling. I am not sure the concept of the "formal joke" was totally understood.

To begin...Bubba told a classic.

"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?"

Dramatic pause.

"Cause he was dead!"

Cue the unrestrained laughter of Hot Mom and Hot Mom's sister.

Then Pie told another classic.

"What has legs but can't walk?"

I had an urge to shout, "Grandpa!", who recently had knee surgery, but I bit my tongue to allow the comedy to flow freely.

Dramatic pause.

"A table."

Cue laughter once more.

Lou then chimed in with another.

"What has teeth but cannot chew?"

At this point Bubba had an Arnold Horshack moment where he raised his hand and started to yell.

"Ooooh, oooohh, oooohh, I know this one! I know this one!"

Lou desperately wanted to blurt out the punchline, but Bubba was having none of it. He was so sure he knew the answer.

"What is it, Bubba?" asked Lou.

"The police guy. The police guy from Daddy's work. Huh, Dad?"

Confused at Bubba's answer, Lou shook her head and finished her joke.

"Its a comb, Bubba."

"No, its not," insisted Bubba. "Its Doug. The answer is Doug. He has teeth and he can't chew. Right, Dad? We went and saw him at his house and he couldn't chew or anything."

Slowly I began to realize what Bubba was talking about. A month or so ago, a Ranger at my office had a very severe accident at work in which an ATV he was loading on to his truck fell off and pretty much crushed his head, breaking every bone in his face. Luckily, the doctors did some reconstructive surgery and Doug is expected to be just fine, but the doctors wired his jaw up tight so he has to eat/drink everything out of a straw.

So....technically....Doug has teeth and cannot chew. He IS the butt/punchline of the joke.

Like a little sleuth, Bubba figured it out and managed to ruin a joke and humiliate one of his dad's co-workers.

Like father, like son.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Disneyland- What Really Happened

As much as Cool Dad wants to complain about Disneyland, he can’t deny that he had a great time. If for no other reason than our whole family was together. It is highly likely we could have brought the whole family together in a more cost effective way, but we were, as the Disney song says, “making memories”

Day one we hustled through both parks going on every major ride. Can I just say that having everyone old enough to walk, and a carry their own little backpack with treats and water was a total win win. We only has two small traumas with Bubba. He was not tall enough for Indiana Jones or California Screaming. Other than that he was pretty much in perma grin all day. It was pretty warm so we happily rode on Grizzly Bear Rapids. Luckily College Daughter soaked up most of the water on that ride and none of the rest of us got too wet.

Bubba did have one ride that he especially enjoyed. It was located in the Redwood Forrest at California Adventures. Surprisingly no big lines, and he went on it probably 20 times.

So basically I could have put a tire swing in my back yard, and saved myself about a thousand dollars. Good to know.

Day two we hit all of the must rides. Small World, Mr. Toads Wild Ride, Tikki Room, and of course Dumbo.

So to sum it all up.
Cool Dad enjoyed having something to complain about.
Hot Mom is planning the next trip (in three years when the checkbook balances again).
College Daughter is still wishing she could stay a kid forever.
Pie went on every roller coaster, but in each of the pictures they took on the rides she looked petrified.
Bubba held his hands up on every roller coaster, but would rather have played on "Smoke Jumper" all day.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Happiest Place on Earth

1 R/T Plane Ticket to Long Beach (for College Daughter) -- $210

5 Tickets to Disneyland -- $775.

Two Meals at Disneyland (one mac & cheese kids meal, two hamburger kids meals about the size of a 50-cent piece, one regular hamburger meal to share between Hot Mom and Cool Dad, a Caesar salad, three slices of pizza and an order of breadsticks) -- $90.

3 Churros at Disneyland -- $10.50.

One Gallon of Gas in California -- $4.19.

One Sweatshirt from Target (cuz Hot Mom forgot that it might get cold in California) -- $19.99.

The Wait in the Captain Nemo Submarine Line -- 1 hr. 10 minutes.

The Wait in the Get Cool on a 93 Degree Day Ride -- 1 hr. 15 minutes.

Total Time Spent in Restrooms in the Magic Kingdom -- 1 hr. 20 minutes.

Total Time Spent in Freezing Cold Pool at Cheap Hotel -- 27 minutes.

Total Time It Took Hot Mom to Get Freezing Kids Warm Food Following Cold Pool -- 49 minutes.

Total Time It Took Pie and Bubba to Fall Asleep Each Night -- 3 minutes 24 seconds.

Total Time It Took Cool Dad to Lose His Cool at the Happiest Place on Earth -- 1.73 seconds.

Total Time It Took Hot Mom to Sign Us Up for This Torture Again -- .041 seconds.

"I can't wait to do this again," said Hot Mom.

"Kill me, now!" said Cool Dad.

"We don't say 'Kill' in our family," said Bubba and Pie.

"Yeah, Cool Dad!" said College Daughter with her mouth full of churro.