Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Popeye Guy

I toodle along, minding my own business, rocking out to the Hannah Montana that inevitably finds its way in to the CD player of my 1997 Honda CRV affectionately known as "Arkie" when a peculiar sight passes in front of me.

I say peculiar because I know of no other appropriate adjective. Odd? Horrific? Predictable? Disconcerting? Maybe...but peculiar sums it up.

Let me digress for a moment. I am a forty-something behemoth who listens to Hannah Montana in a Honda CRV. I am in no position to make rash judgments or point out the flaws of others, but I feel a certain civic duty to let the people of the world know what is out there...what threatens the hallmarks of sanity and civility in our good land. With this disclaimer, I continue.

He passes. I take a look-see. I blink. I evaluate things. I blink again and reevaluate. I take it all in and find that I have quit breathing. I remind myself to breathe and then I aspirate a wry, little chuckle. I look around to make sure I am not the only person to have seen what I just saw. Nobody else seems particularly aghast. I check my rear view mirror. Nope, he was real enough.

I do a quick recounting in my head. Big Harley-Davidson Hog--CHECK. 35-45 years old--CHECK. 350 lbs.--CHECK. Popeye meets Darkwing Duck sailor outfit--CHECK. Dark black zip-up hoodie with skeleton-like ribs silk-screened on to the front--CHECK. Creepy handlebar moustache--CHECK. Cuban cigar the size of a huge pork sausage hanging out of mouth--CHECK.

That is all. Just thought you all should know.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Overheard at Discount Tires

The last thing I want to do after working all day would be to head off to the tire store especially with two children yelling that they didn't want to go to the tire store, and really I understand. I mean, WHO DOES? I can think of a lot of fun ways to spend $350 and none of them include buying tires, but alas, I love the benefit of a vehicle to move me from points A, B, C, and D so tires become a necessity.

While waiting, still with two small children, we have A LOT of time on our hands to check out our surroundings. Bubba, is just starting to read, and sounds out everything. As he looks next door he asks, "What does KFC spell?" I tell him that it stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken.

He thinks for a few minutes, and says, "I will probably need some of that when I am in my Kentucky race."

I look at him and say, "You mean the Kentucky Derby?" It is a good thing the lady sitting next to him was not drinking a soda. She would have spit it all over us.

Some of you newer folks did not read an old post in our previous blog life where we discussed summer day camp options for children. Bubba ended up not attending a camp because we couldn't find a jockey camp...I say that like we actually tried. Well, lest you think he has given up on the dream of becoming a jockey he has not. Not only has he not given up on the dream, he has some fairly lofty goals for himself.

As far as today's conversation goes, I was actually happy he didn't talk about being a horse in the Kentucky Derby because a lot of the time he thinks it would be cooler to grow up and be the winning horse, not just the jockey. I really don't think the lady at the tire store could have handled that one.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Good Times

I had a great post for last Saturday. Unfortunately, it was a long week so you are just getting it today.

Once again the Heat Wavers stumbled onto a free great kids activity. Our town held it's annual kids art fair. We spent two hours wandering from booth to booth, and made some awesome crafts. Pie and Bubba did a little weaving, made hats out of paper bags at the Mad Hatter booth. They decorated swim caps, made sports pennants, bracelets, hand prints and the list goes on. Did I mention it was all free!!! Imagine how dangerous we could be if we actually knew about all of the great activities our new town has to offer instead of just happening upon them. I think I better subscribe to the newspaper so we can be more informed.

One event we happened to find last year when we were checking out the area is the Balloon Festival. This year's balloon festival is coming up this weekend we are so excited. It should be beautiful weather.

In other exciting news. Bubba had a school project that was for our whole family. Don't you just LOVE those?? He came home with a turkey. The instructions were to create a disguise for the turkey to help his get through Thanksgiving unharmed.

So what do the Heat Wavers do to disguise their turkey?

Yep! Indiana Jones Turkey

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

101 Uses for Scotch Tape

All of my children are quite creative, and would much rather color, cut, paste, glue, tape, paint, use chalk, or play-doh than anything else. I don't even know why we buy them toys. Actually we really don't buy them toys anymore. They each usually get a ream of paper, a three pack of scotch tape and new crayons for their birthday and Christmas. I know that seems a little odd, but believe me they are happy. Plus, when it is your OWN scotch tape there aren't rules about how much you can use on one project.

All of this brings us to this week's project. Bubba has been making three legged dragons. Why three legs???? I don't know, and I don't really want to ask. Now keep in mind these are not tiny little dragons. Each of the three legs are about 11 inches long with bodies to match. They are all over my house. What in the world do you do with a house full of dragons? More importantly, what do you call them...a herd, a gaggle, a pride, a crash, a mob, a litter, a pack? Seriously, I have no idea!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Shirt Happens

On Christmas Eve, the Heat Wavers all get new Jammies. This tradition is anxiously awaited by all the parties involved. I, too, even enjoy it. Its fun.

I don't wear the traditional PJs with the feet and the torture-inducing flannel, but I still manage to get some new sports shorts or a new t-shirt on Christmas Eve and the kids anxiously wait for me to wear my Jammies out in public. So I wear a t-shirt to bed and out to work. Big deal.

So this year, Hot Mom is going to get me a new t-shirt for my Christmas Eve Jammies. The conversation went something like this.

"I'm going to get you a t-shirt for Christmas Eve this year if that's okay,"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Do you want a specific color?"

"'re not gonna get mad at me or anything are you?"


"Well, I kinda want ya to buy me a t-shirt with something on it this year."

"Something on it?"

"Yeah, like a design or some words or something...anything...on it."

"You want a design?"

"Yeah, I own 16 t-shirts. And every one of the t-shirts is a solid color."

"I doubt that."

Trip to closet confirms presence of 16 t-shirts with nothing on them. Two browns, two tans, two reds, two greens, a light-blue, a rust-colored, three grays, a dark blue, and a white. No stripes, no polka dots, no paisleys, no words, no character, no fun, no design...just solid t-shirts from the Big and Tall section of the Boring Store.

"So you're saying, I buy you boring clothes?"


"So you're saying you'd rather buy your own clothes from now on because your wife dresses you like a big dud?"


"So I'm not a good wife?"

"Umm...I love you?"

"Hmmmmph, well lookie here! Walmart is having a sale on Sesame Street-inspired t-shirts. There's a Big Bird for $5 and a Bert and Ernie for $7.50. Aaaaaannnnnddddd they have them in Triple X. This is gonna be a lot more fun than I thought."


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Happy Halloween...On November 3rd

I realize it is November, but we can't go forward until we have the Halloween post, so here it is.

It was a bit of a let down at school on Friday for Bubba. For two years he has watched his sister march in the costume parade at her old school. Finally, it was his turn. Then I had to break the bad news to him. Not only does our new school not have a costume parade, you don't even get to wear your costume to school. I might as well have killed him. Soooooo unfair. I really think that is what kicked off the weekend of temper tantrum. But alas, he did finally get to wear his costume, and he got to show off his dad wearing the costume he made for him.

Sorry about the pics, but considering we took these after the Halloween party I was in charge of, I am pretty happy we have anything to document the night.

There are also hands that go with Cool Dad's costume, but since the costume is attached with safety pins he got a little uptight at the thought of putting the hands bad, I forgot the tape.

Pie was happy to be a witch. I have wanted her to be a witch for years, and finally she agreed. Her only stipulation was to be a happy witch. She spent more time sweeping with the broom than anything else. Her costume came straight off the rack, throw in some glow in the dark tights, and you are good to go.

Bubba's costume was a bit more of a pain. He decided he wanted to be a knight. the only knight costume I could find was $30. Anybody who knows me, knows there is no way I am going to spend that kind of money on a Halloween costume. Especially not when I can just throw one together. What kind of friends are you?? I say that every year, and every year I SWEAR I will never make another costume, and every year you let me. Seriously people, next year, plan an intervention. Not only did I spend more than $30 on supplies. I can't even begin to count the hours. However, the results are pretty cute (I mean awesome because knights are NOT cute).

Bubba is already planning his costume for next year. I think he is trying to figure out a way to incorporate his bow and arrows. Oh, and did I mention he was a crazy child all weekend? Tomorrow the story about how he drove me over the edge and I created the point system.