Monday, January 31, 2011

Daddy Daycare

I have refrained from blogging about my latest undertaking because I am a bit nervous, and I have zero confidence in myself to be successful. However, to put this evening into perspective I will have to fess up.

I have gone back to school. Not with any wild fantasies of a new career, but more to see if I can transfer all of my credits from my fifteen schools to one place and see what it gets me. I am only taking one night class this semester, Intro to Archaeology. Please hold your laughter. I figured if I had to go back to school for the first time in a LONG time I might as well have an in house tutor.

I am actually quite enjoying my class, and although I am a little nervous about the paper I have due next week, so far so good. At least until I walked in the door tonight.

Our family life is fairly structured. We get up at the same time, we eat dinner at 6pm pretty much every night, and the kids go to bed at 8pm on the dot. It may sound a bit boring, but it works for us. So, I ask you, why would Cool Dad choose tonight, a school night to completely go off the deep end. I am grasping at straws here, but maybe when you have been so sick for so long that when you go to the doctor and they say, "Wow we haven't seen sinuses this bad in a long time. We are going to have to give you a shot to start taking care of this." Maybe that affects the brain. That's right folks, Cool Dad had to get a shot in the keester this morning, and that apparently clouded his judgement.

Tonight at 9pm I came home to two small children and one large one, not only not in bed, but on my bed watching a movie. A scary movie. Bubba was under the covers screaming, "I can't watch this, it is too scary."

WHAT?? Who in their right minds lets small children watch scary movies ever, let alone on a school night an hour past their bedtime? Cool Dad tried to argue it wasn't a scary movie, it was just Indiana Jones. I referred him back to the small child huddled in the corner screaming. "I am so scared."

Don't even get me started on the kitchen disaster. Cool Dad's excuse, "It was kind of a confusing evening." Confusing, as in confused who you are, confused by small children, confused by reality.

I think I better go to bed and deal with it all tomorrow. At least I will sleep well in my king-sized bed all by myself. Guess who is sleeping with Bubba?

I will leave you with a non-scary picture of my little Indy. As I try to think happy thoughts so as not to hurt Cool Dad.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Negative Crafty and a Hot Dress

Tomorrow is the 100th day of school. When you are in Kindergarten it is a big deal. I mean you are really just learning how to count to 100, so it is kind of cool to count out 100 things and share this accomplishment with the whole class. I have no problem with this. In fact, when Pie was in Kindergarten we dumped out Cool Dad's big tub of money, counted out 100 pennies, put them in a ziploc bag, and off do school she went.

Which brings us to this year's 100th day festivities. Bubba brings home a note that says he needs to bring 100 items to school, and they need to be displayed creatively. WHAT??? Now don't get me wrong, we love Ms. M., but really creatively? I don't have a creative bone in my body. I am negative creative. This assignment is all wrong for me. I start to panic as Bubba and I start brainstorming ideas. The best I can come up with is goldfish in a ziploc, kind of like you would get at a pet store. By this point I am totally hyperventilating. Cool Dad comes to my rescue. He has the coolest idea ever. Are we ready? We are going to LOVE this.

A giant poster board with a saguaro cactus and 100 toothpicks glued to it as the pokey spines.

What the crap? Is he high? Let a five year old glue 100 toothpicks to a giant poster board, and then have said five year old transport it to school.

Bubba LOVED the ideas of course. So take a look at our finished product. By the way, does anyone want to know if Cool Dad assisted in the gluing of even ONE toothpick?? I will let you guess the answer to that one. Although, I will give him his props for drawing the cactus.

This next picture is for my sister and my niece Lou. We have a great system in our family. College Daughter's outgrown clothes always go to Lou, and Lou's clothes come to Pie. It is an awesome system. Well, Pie is currently going through a growth spurt. She eats everything in sight. So, I decided it was probably time to pull out the grow into boxes and see what we could find. For as long as I can remember Pie has called this activity "shopping in the garage". Whenever anyone tells her something is cute, she tells them she got it shopping in the garage. I am pretty sure most people around me think everything she owns comes from garage sales, but hey, I say if you can get a dress this cute at a garage sale you should go for it.

Anywho, this little number is not normally Pie's style, but when she caught a peek at the tag (from the store of the 18in doll that shall not be named) she was hooked. She couldn't wait to wear it to church today, and I admit she looked adorable. Hot, very, very hot, but adorable. Most of the girls at church today were in sundresses, but not my Pie, faux fur and velvet in 80 degree temps. What can I say, we all have to sacrifice a little for fashion.

Well, that about wraps up our week, except for the fact that Cool Dad is STILL sick. No, it is not getting on my nerves at all. He is happy and charming when he is sick, and excellent patient. Whatever, he is headed to Instacare in the morning, or he is sleeping in the car until he gets better.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Waste Management

I don’t ask for much. Really, I don’t. Sheets nice and straightened. No toenail clippings in bed. An occasional Snickers. I am pretty easy. Really.

So, on occasion, I like to drink a Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. They only make it during the holidays, so Hot Mom secured the final two 12-packs left in the grocery store. She tells me she wrestled them away from a wheelchair-bound octogenarian, but I digress. I love them and I crave them.

Buddy also loves them. He loves them a lot.

After a long day at the office this past week, I arrived home exhausted and awaited the delicious meal that Hot Mom was preparing. In my state of exhaustion, I asked Buddy if he would go get me a Sierra Mist for my dinner. I told him to bring two, so that he and Pie could share one.

Well…Bud came back with two sodas. A Sierra Mist and a Diet Rite (only Hot Mom can choke down that crap).

“Bud,” I said, “don’t you want one, too?”

He looked at me like I was crazy and then he looked at his mom almost to cry.

“This IS mine.”

“Um, okay, well, where is mine?”

He again looked to Hot Mom imploring her to back him up.

“Mom, I don’t want waste one on Dad.”

“Waste one?”

“Yeah, we only got just a few and I don’t wanna waste one on you.”

“Waste one?”

After much crying and gnashing of teeth, Hot Mom snuck Cool Dad a Sierra Mist.

What a waste!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To

I am a little sad. When I was little my sister would ask me if I was as blue as a smurf. I think today that I am. We are really enjoying our time here in our new home, but in reading one of my friends comments I realized I missed the annual "Ugly Sweater Party" at the old stomping grounds. How sad. I remember last year we had some great sweaters. I mean who doesn't want to see a grown man wearing a salmon/coral colored sweater. There was also a lovely selection of women's holiday sweater vests (and not just on the women). The real whopper however, was the sweater borrowed from a Grandma's closet. My friend told her she was going to the "Brightest Sweater Party".

Don't think the fun stopped there. After we gorged ourselves on wonderful food, it was time for the gaming to begin. If you haven't played What's Yours Like. You should. Preferably in a large group of people that will mock you for months afterward. Let's be honest don't you want to know which of your neighbor's honeymoon ended in tears, and who's husband is inappropriate. Good times, good times.

While lamenting my sadness to Cool Dad he responded, "Well let's just have an Ugly Sweater Party of our own". Hello, have you not been reading our own blog for the past seven months? Do you ever step outside to check the temps? Not only do these people not own ugly sweaters. They don't own ANY sweaters. He did agree that I was probably correct on that count.

So I ask you people, in the land of the Heat Wavers, what will it be? Ugly Tube Top Party? Best Wife Beater Tank Party? Smallest Daisy Dukes Party?

Ohhhh the possibilities!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

A Small Glimpse into the Bedroom

I have ONE small, tiny, minute, little obsessive quirk. ONE! I don't lock all the doors fifteen times or count the ceiling tiles in the doctor's office or even worry one iota about stepping on the cracks of a sidewalk. I don't brush my teeth 240 times a day or count my steps to the bathroom. Heck, I don't even care if the dirty dishes are in the sink for a few hours. BUT, I do have this little quirk and my night of sleep depends on it. It is important to me.

So, here it is in all of its ignominy.

My name is Cool Dad, and I sleep on top of the sheets and below the duvet.

There! I said it. I am fanatical that the sheets on my side of the bed be perfectly flat and that they are pulled up and tucked under my pillows so that they won't slide, bunch, bundle, or otherwise crinkle during the night. I am equally fanatical that one and only one layer of bedding be on top of me. It may be a duvet or a blanket or that heavier little flannel-like warmer-upper blanket that they sometimes wedge in between the duvet and the sheets, but it can never be two of the above-mentioned covers. ONE, and only one cover can be above me during a single night. And even that cover is subject to be tossed aside if the room gets too stuffy, hot, stifling, or otherwise uncomfortable.

This revelation leads me to the dilemma of this week.

Pie has been very sick and has been lounging in our room on MY side of the bed. Her mother's crinkly-sheeted side of the bed was available all week for overall lounging, but, no, Pie decided to defile my side of the bed with her sick, sheet crinkling lounginess. She untucks my sheets, climbs under the newly untucked sheets and does all kind of lounging, squirming, and messifying. And then...she leaves it that way. SHE LEAVES IT THAT WAY! (cue Jaws theme music)

I blame Hot Mom!

She knows I go ballistic every night when I encounter the crinkliness and overall untuckedness of the sheets and I think she delights in the mayhem that follows. I think she baits poor Pie into doing it.

"Pie, honey, why don't you go lie down on your Daddy's side?"(cue Wicked Witch of the West laugh)

"Pie, just huddle up UNDER your Daddy's covers. Okay, sweety?"

"Pie, squirm about under there some more, so Daddy will lose it tonight and I can laugh at his peculiar and delightful annoyance."

"Love you, Pie, Pie!"


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Legos Are Not Just for Stepping On

Time to backtrack a couple of weeks. Remember the whole, "invite yourself to participate in others' activities" geniusness? Well Christmas is not the only time we implemented that tactic recently.

We found out through the grapevine that Cool Dad's sister and her family would be heading to San Diego for New Years, and planning to go to Legoland. Well, who doesn't want to jump on that bandwagon?? Well, apparently, Cool Dad? He is not a super fan on theme parks, but he is still pretty willing.

To all of those considering Legoland, I have to say, you have a VERY SMALL window to take your kids. We had an almost four year old who couldn't ride on quite a few of the rides, five and seven year old who were in heaven, and an eight and nine year old, who thought it was ok, but the rides were almost a bit young for them. That being said, cousins should ALWAYS go to theme parks together. We had a blast just being with family.

I will say that they had a few interactive rides that were interesting. Cool Dad took great pleasure standing on the sidelines and shooting water at all of the children. The Fire Truck ride also holds humorous possibilities as the parents have to "pump" in order for the fire truck to travel down the track, and then they also have to "pump" for the kids to shoot water at the burning building.

As far as being a Lego junkie, I am not. However, it was fascinating to see all of figures at Legoland built out of Legos. I thought there were awesome. Cool Dad was annoyed by my excitement, but take a look at my pics. There is no way they are not cool. I will tell you who is not cool, Cool Dad...names can be deceptive.

I do have to add one shout out for New Years Day. If you are looking for a great day to go to Legoland, choose New New Years Day. It was not crowded at all, and when we went on the big roller coaster they let us go twice since nobody was waiting in line. I also loved their Christmas decorations that were still up.

Yes, this tree is made out of legos.

I would say that it was a wild time, but since Cool Dad and I fell asleep at 8:30 on New Years Eve that would be a bit of an exaggeration, so I will just call it another fun trip for the Heat Wavers.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Santa is a Crazy Old Coot

The Christmas gifts just keep on giving and giving and giving. Dear sweet Santa gave Pie an 18in doll, not the doll from "the company who shall not be named", but a knock off doll. She is totally happy, and loves it. She named her Kathren. Dear sweet Santa also gave Pie a kit to make 18in doll clothes. A shirt, two dresses and a stuffed dog. Pie has been VERY anxious to get started on the projects since Christmas. Finally over the long weekend I caved and told her we could get started. FIVE HOURS later, and dear sweet Santa is now a CRAZY OLD COOT!!!! The box said straight line sewing, easy enough for a small child, yeah right.

It was a painful process, but we finally succeeded. Doesn't Kathren look cute!!

Monday, January 17, 2011


Oh what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green? Yes, I really do realize it is not summertime. However, when the temps are scheduled to hit 82 degrees, and you are married to an archaeologist, what do you do??

First you put on the new hiking boots that Santa gave you.

(I am wearing shorts, please don't zoom in to see if I shaved my legs today. You will be disappointed.)

Next you load up the Jeep and head down a dirt road in search of petroglyphs. We found these not too far away from Martinez Lake. It was about a two mile hike. After we finished we stopped in at the Imperial National Wildlife Refuge. They had some amazing displays and the kids got their junior ranger badges.

I guess there is only one thing left to say about the hike, wild burro poop. Pie is reading over my shoulder as I am typing this, and could not believe that I left out such an important part of the day. Yes, we did step over many, many piles of said, wild burro poop. She is devastated that I don't have any pictures to post.

This picture is for all of those who doubt we have water in our neck of the woods. Plenty of water, people. Plenty of water. If we didn't have water, none of you would be eating lettuce, cauliflower, broccoli, and other veggies this winter.

We had an awesome day enjoying great weather. Sorry to hear about all of you that are freezing. Maybe we will get some visitors now.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

It's Begining to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I had decided to take a new approach to blogging. I started thinking that in this hectic world maybe I would be the monthly blogger. I could do a quick recap of our entire month, post a few pics, and move on. I thought this would be a great plan until I started getting a little pressure on my facebook page to blog. Apparently there are still a few people out there who want to hear my ramblings. The rest of you can blame them.

We had a great Christmas. We were fortunate enough to go North. We did it in a two part vacation. First hitting the old stomping grounds for a few days, and then moving on to Northern Utah. Our first few nights we spent with family and friends, and rain. I mean it never stopped raining! I did discover a lovely new phenomenon, inviting yourself over. It goes a little like this. "Hello friend, my kids really wants to see your kids, but we don't have a house here anymore. Can they come over and play?" Repeat multiple times. Works like a charm! My kids were thrilled to get to play with some of their old friends. This will also work with adults, and allows you to plan an mini-party at someones house other than your own. I admit I do feel a little guilty about this one, but it was SO much fun. (Quick side note. Do any of you have a drawer where everything seems to end up? What do you call it? a junk drawer, right??? Cool Dad claims never to never have heard of this phrase and is still claiming the game was rigged).

Anywho...After our fun weekend we headed to Salt Lake City where we spend a great evening meeting friends and family for dinner at PF Changs. Can we get a big shout out for PF Changs. Who doesn't want to start an awesome evening with lettuce wraps? Maybe I should say, who doesn't get to start an awesome evening with lettuce wraps. That would be Cool Dad and Pie. Poor Pie got sick on our trip and missed quite a few of the activities.

I love this pic of Bubba. When you are five you can't be at a Chinese restaurant without using the chop sticks as fangs. My cousin's daughter Margot (she's been waiting on pins and needles to find out what her blog alias would be) took it a PF Changs. How clever am I? I conveniently placed him between Margot and College Daughter for dinner. It was fun to see Margot. This is one of the reasons I love Facebook. she did not grow up near us, but through Facebook we have gotten to know her better, and we have been able to schedule fun outings like this. Remember people, you asked for this rambling post. After dinner we went to see the lights at Temple Square. They were breathtaking as always, but I did not take any pictures because my hands were too cold. It seems like I am constantly complaining about the weather on this blog. It is either too hot or too cold. Hmmm.

Finally we made it to my sister house. SNOW glorious SNOW!!! That is a quote from the children, not me. Pie felt a better so the kids spent a few hours playing in the snow. They built a snowman, and a snow fort. They were in heaven. I stayed inside with hot chocolate. It was perfect.

We participated in the usual tradition of gingerbread house making and reindeer nose eating (seriously, does anything go better together than pretzels and chocolate?). I don't have a picture of the final products. I am not sure why, so you get this lovely photo of College Daughter instead.

Finally, Christmas morning!!!! My sister is adamant that we do not sleep past 6am, so we were up bright and early checking out the loot. Here is poor little sick Pie, abut she is happy as a clam because she got the doll she was asking for. College Daughter was surprised with a sewing machine. Bubba had a great Christmas, even though he did not get the things on his list. You remember "the list"...jet pack, 4-wheeler, speed boat, jet skis, flying reindeer with butterflies, shooting out of it's antlers. Yes, that list. He did also ask for a shirt and tie for church, which I am happy to report he did receive.

The festivities were short lived. We headed out on Christmas day and made the mad dash home. Cool Dad and I had to be back to that reality we call work on the Monday after Christmas. We had a glorious holiday with friends and family, and even though the the drive was long and snow was cold, and Pie was sick we wouldn't have traded it for anything. Thanks to all who made it possible. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I am leaving you with this final picture of Bubba. My lovely niece Lou gave Bubba a nerf bow and arrow for Christmas. Why, you are asking? Believe me, I was asking the same question. It is however a huge hit. As soon as we got home it was the first thing he unpacked. He wants to paint a target on our garage door. Nice, nothing says PWT like a target painted on your garage door. Although the people across the street would probably love it.