And So It Begins...

Pie and Bubba began the long arduous trek to responsible adulthood once again this year and it got me reflecting on my days as an Acequia Indian. Oh, those were the good old days. British Bulldog during the morning recess. The ever-popular (and inherently un-PC) Smear the Queer during the afternoon recess and a fierce game of tetherball after a meatloaf and canned corn lunch. I miss it. I really miss it.

I remember pulling on the pigtails of Pam Lloyd, picking my nose and flicking it at Joe Fitzgerald, and flicking the ears of Aaron Fernau. Anyway...I miss it. Good times...good times.

But now I hear there are rules to be followed! Real, full-on, OSHA-sponsored rules on the playground. And my kid ACTUALLY has to sign that she will abide by them. I am NOT kidding. I am ashamed to be an American with these rules in our schools. No wonder the Japanese are kicking our collective tooshies.

Here they are:

Monkey Bars:

No sitting on top.
Hang by hands only, no knee spins or flipping around.

Slide:

Feet first, bottom down, yawn, sit to slide, stand up at bottom of slide and walk away, salute to Herr Buttinski at bottom, single file in line.

Genral Rules (yes, they spelled it that way...yeah, education system):

No tackle sports.
No throwing rocks or stone (or naughty words)
Do not kick soccer balls (what the heck!)

Genral Cafeteria Rules (yes, they continued to spell it wrong):

Keep hands, feet, and objects to yourself.
12-inch volume voices (I have no idea what that means)
Clean up after yourself
No eating in line.
No looking in the windows.
Do not share food.

Okay, that is it! Do not share food? We teach altruism in the classroom, but you will be punished if we find you sharing your food with the less fortunate.

"But Mr. Smith, I wanted an extra french fry and Juan wanted a carrot stick so we traded."

"You will rot in detention forever then. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa."

It is going to be a long year.